Cross Roads To Grow

I never thought  I'll live

Only for a reason to believe

Day by day I wonder

If I'll blossom like a flower

If life is indeed fair

Pain will be outta my hair

I seek to know to flow

Freely like water falls

I want somebody to blame

So I can pass my own shame

From such pain may I be spared

I live life like I am unprepared

I tend to act like  a fool

Like I have never been to school

I still have faith

One day I'll be free

Only because I believed

I will be then relived

The inaction of my actions

I ran as fast as I could, while I stood still,
When I was tired I stopped and stood still                                            

I was hoping yet I had no hope
Longing and needing every day yet no desire
Flooded with inspiration yet nothing to admire
Got up after I fell yet I still laid down

I watched myself laugh out loud with the crowd,                  
While I wept like a baby inside my heart
I felt it all and I wasn't feeling anything
I woke up and was not awake.

To be alive yet not alive
To be happy yet not joyous
To be with people yet alone
To be sane yet insane

Was locked within the wall
With no way to escape

I ran as far as I could, while I stood still
******************************
I am running as fast as I could
I ran as fast as I could, I did not stand still.

Oh! The cruelty of my dreams

For a second there I thought I had you
I was holding you in my arms
And you were holding me in yours
I felt your every touch, your warmth
I heard your laughter I missed dearly
For a second there I thought I had you

I do not allow myself to think of you
It has been years since I saw you
And yet your visage is still clear in my head.
I still remember the fourth of May,
As if it happened yesterday
Because you were there
And I was there with you.

But when you showed up at my door
I began to believe all is not lost
For a second I could hug you,
I could dance with you ,
Dance like we had before,
I laid next to you while we talked.
I could cry on your shoulder.
For a second there I had you

Oh the cruelty of my dreams
They knew all the places in me
The ones I never even knew I had      
And they are the only places,
That  ache the most,
Only where your memory dwell.
I managed the pain well,
And now it is all I feel.

I went to sleep and you were there
I woke up, only to find out one thing.
You were never there to begin with,
Oh! The cruelty of my dreams....

I don't know what to say....

Will you...uh...could you please...?
Just uh, let me think for a while!
...............................................
Wow, I really don't know what to say...

I'll do ok...

There is the occasional screw ups,

The unfortunate misunderstandings 

Brought on by misjudgments.

No matter how tragic or innocent

Sometimes they cannot be unsaid,

They cannot be undone or unseen

They can only be justified

                                                                                            

And even though in the midst of pain

More than pain, it's excruciating agony,                             

In the midst of all that,

It will not be impossible to overcome

Because of the memory of joy and bliss

That you have once felt,

The laughter you begin to miss

It will still remain instilled in you

The feel of the calm breeze

Will make you feel at peace

It will be in that moment of restoration

That you will remember

How you've been here before

Feeling lost and unprotected

And you came through in one piece.

You can calmly take a breath,

Smile at yourself in the mirror

And you can honestly say,

I'll do ok...